Parents as Partners Review by Ms. Michelle Bitler

Ms. Michelle instructs students in the Eden Strings program

 For those parents already participating in the Parents as Partners Online through CYM and the Suzuki Association of Americas website, there has already been a wealth of information and insight provided on the topic of parents, teachers, students, and their interwoven relationship on the journey

through music education. Below, CYM's own Michelle Bitler shares her thoughts on one of the videos as part of Parents as Partners:

Confessions of a Suzuki Teacher and Future-Suzuki Parent: Reflections on Giving Time Unconditionally

Everett and Santha Rae Goodwin share thoughts in “Practice: Seeing the Results of Long Term Commitment.”  I found one point to be particularly convicting and thought-provoking.  The Goodwins  emphasized how important affirmation is to our children.  Within the context of affirmation, the couple talked about giving time unconditionally.  

My immediate response upon hearing about this was guilt—guilt because I am admittedly selfish with my time.  I must constantly feel productive by adult-standards; my self-imposed to-do list is endless; I multi-task whenever possible (in fact, I’m typing this one-handed while giving my son a bottle).   The Goodwins’ point is that time should be given as a gift and should be unhurried.  While I find gifting time to my son not difficult, the challenge for me is remaining unhurried.  

My guilt led me to take action.  My “action” did not manifest itself in changes to my schedule; it meant an attitude-shift.  I think that in many families, schedules are somewhat fixed.  We can’t give too much more time for practicing, even if we wanted to.  But we can pour more energy and affirmation into the time that we devote to our children.  My son “practices” through play: we play piano, we play with toys, we play through laughter.  Giving time and spending  time mean different things to me now.  I sometimes grudgingly spend money, but am happy to give money when the need is there.  When I see the joy and excitement on my son’s face as we interact, I want to give him everything I have.  I need to be more aware of the quality of time I offer my son.  I need to remind myself that he will soon nap, he will soon want to play by himself, or hubby will soon be home—so those other grown-up projects can wait.  Engaging our children takes energy, but it can also be very energizing.  

I have seen other parents model the attitude of unconditional time-giving: they are so present when it comes to interacting with their children and I can see that the parent is very aware of the child’s needs even if the child is not.  I do not know what is on these families’ weekly agendas, but that matters little as I see the bond between parent and child.  

I am less guilt-ridden now, but do require many self-reminders.   I am learning that the first step towards giving time unconditionally to my son is being intentional with my actions and attitudes.   When I see him smile or hear him laugh, I know that I’m on the right track.